I've reached the point that when people ask me what I want for Christmas, I can't think of anything. It's not that I don't want anything, but it's more that what I want cannot be purchased at your local Target or Gap. You can't put a ribbon or bow on self-esteem. You can't wrap up weight loss and put it under the tree. You can't fit self-confidence in one of those bags with tissue paper. You can't buy a gift card for happiness. You can't find a boyfriend in a catalog and have him wrapped and shipped to you.
If only it were as easy as that. At times I wish I could go back in time and just smack myself for my choices. The real question is at what point would I return to make the most significant change? Which mistake would I like to change most? To not move to be with someone I loved? Not start down the road of that relationship to begin with? Go back to college and nudge myself down a better path for my career? Or go back to high school and shake myself to acceptance of myself? In the end, this is all hyperbole. I cannot go back in time, and I need to focus on the future, not the past. For life is forward motion, even when it feels like you're spinning your tires and keep looking in the rear view mirror.
What do I want for Christmas? A new life. I happy life. I life I can feel proud to have. And world peace.
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